Merry Christmas one and all! Yes, I realize it is the 29th, but Christmas is still upon us, lest we forget the popular tune that reminds us repeatedly of the 12 Days belonging to Christmas. [A Side Note: I always found the gifts to be somewhat strange. As I am enticed by bright, shiny objects, the '5 golden rings' always excited me. Men, take note! What I would do with five golden rings, I don't know...perhaps wear one on each of my fingers? But I have always been mystified by the gifts for people: 10 Lords 'a Leaping, 9 Ladies dancing, etc. Seems a little extravagant, if you ask me, although I can't deny the lure of having 10 Lords at my disposal, leaping or otherwise...]
Christmas in the year of our Lord 2005 was most perplexing, indeed. Not only was it one of my busiest Christmases on record (hence the lack of blog entries), but it also produced numerous philosophical quandries.
My Christmas vacation began, as many archetypal journies do, with an trip to my homeland. As the plane touched down on the runway, my Spider Sense told me I was about to become locked in a tempestuous whirlpool of surreality. A visit to my hometown in the Panhandle will forever be a proverbial rest-stop on the Road to Wackiness. A wise man once said, "you can never go home again," and as much as I hate to put much creedence in oft-quoted, quasi-philosophical "wisdom," these words continue to ring true each time I visit home
Going home this Christmas was a lesson in learning to let go. If you have read my blog entry titled, "Homeward Bound-less," then you already know that my previous trip home this semster did not live up to any of my pre-conceived expectations. I thought my Yule Tide journey as "Meredith's Homecoming: Part Deux," except this time, the sequal was better than the original. My life has changed drastically in the four months I have lived in Austin, but change is universal and unilateral; as I have evolved during this past semester, so have my friends and family.
I realized that it is time to let go of old habits, bad feelings, and unrequited love. I realized that my place will always be with my family, regardless of the ebb and flow of my friendships and relationships with others. I am fortunate to be blessed with firm foundation of supporters who ceaselessely encourage me as I trudge through seminary. Their love both humbles and inspires me. When I am drowning in a sea of self-doubt, I pray that the memory of kind, encouraging words from my family, friends, and church, will buoy me to the surface.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Free at last, free at last
Hallelujah and Praise Jesus- Finals are over! After our last final this morning, we celebrated in our usual demeanor: by heading over to our beloved Crown & Anchor and drinking ourselves into a stupor. Nothing erases the memory of arduous finals like a good drinking binge with dear friends. Of course, halfway through our merriment we realized that our “celebrating” at the Crown was not really anything out of the ordinary, since we frequent the Crown on a near-daily basis.
[Note: some of the bartenders at the Crown actually know my name! You know how long it’s been since I’ve been to a restaurant where they new my name? Ok, in truth, not long, since I moved to Austin from a small town. I used to go to this burger joint in Canyon called Hil’s Burgers on a weekly basis, and Hil knew my name and even gave me extra curly fries. I’m not at that “extra curly fries” level at the Crown, but maybe someday…it’s a goal worth striving for.]
What is more amazing is that my first semester of seminary is over. My first fucking semester! I have mornings when I still wake up and cannot believe that I live in fucking Austin and attend the Presbyterian Seminary here. As one who does not always adjust well to change, I am both relieved and saddened to be done with classes. The semester went by at a blazing pace and I wonder if this is indicative to the rest of my seminary career. If school continues to race along at this breakneck speed, graduation will soon be on the horizon. Then what? As I discern my call here at school, I still find it somewhat mystifying as to what God’s purpose is for me. I have faith that I am being led to fulfill some “destiny,” for lack of a better term, but I remain clueless to what that “destiny” may be.
Tonight as I type this blog, I find it alien that I do not have classwork hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. Not that I was Hermione Granger this semester (my approach to school, was, admittedly, lackadaisical), but I did (occasionally) study. Tonight, there are no more finals, no more John Calvin or Karl Barth to read, no theology terms to memorize. My mind is restless without the chaos of school; the chaos of school stresses-out my mind. Such is the dichotomy of Meredith...
[Note: some of the bartenders at the Crown actually know my name! You know how long it’s been since I’ve been to a restaurant where they new my name? Ok, in truth, not long, since I moved to Austin from a small town. I used to go to this burger joint in Canyon called Hil’s Burgers on a weekly basis, and Hil knew my name and even gave me extra curly fries. I’m not at that “extra curly fries” level at the Crown, but maybe someday…it’s a goal worth striving for.]
What is more amazing is that my first semester of seminary is over. My first fucking semester! I have mornings when I still wake up and cannot believe that I live in fucking Austin and attend the Presbyterian Seminary here. As one who does not always adjust well to change, I am both relieved and saddened to be done with classes. The semester went by at a blazing pace and I wonder if this is indicative to the rest of my seminary career. If school continues to race along at this breakneck speed, graduation will soon be on the horizon. Then what? As I discern my call here at school, I still find it somewhat mystifying as to what God’s purpose is for me. I have faith that I am being led to fulfill some “destiny,” for lack of a better term, but I remain clueless to what that “destiny” may be.
Tonight as I type this blog, I find it alien that I do not have classwork hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. Not that I was Hermione Granger this semester (my approach to school, was, admittedly, lackadaisical), but I did (occasionally) study. Tonight, there are no more finals, no more John Calvin or Karl Barth to read, no theology terms to memorize. My mind is restless without the chaos of school; the chaos of school stresses-out my mind. Such is the dichotomy of Meredith...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
And then there was one...
Three, count ‘em, three finals down and only one more remains!
My theology final this morning was fairly successful. I learned that much can be accomplished if you drink enough coffee to kill a lab rat and consume multiple Krispy Kreme donuts. The sugar and caffeine alone were enough to let my mind race for approximately 85% of my test this morning. I was able to pull 11 ¼ pages (double-spaced) of theological “knowledge” out of my ass, which, I must admit, is a new Meredith record.
My exam was coherent and, at times, slightly humorous. I attempted to weave together sound theological thought with levity, although there was probably more levity than brevity, if you understand my meaning. If Cindy Rigby is going to have to grade a million Systematic Theology I exams, then the least I can do is make sure my test is enjoyable for her to read. Various examples I used to illustrate complex theological concepts include, but are not limited to: references to Zeppo of the Marx brothers, Spiderman, the theology of Meredith as a 5 year-old, a quote from my mother, and several vague references to the book of Ecclesiastes.
If there is one thing I enjoy doing, it is pontificating. If there is anything else I could possibly enjoy more than pontificating, then it is using eclectic examples to illustrate a point.
One more hurdle awaits: the dreaded history final. Kyrie Eleison!
My theology final this morning was fairly successful. I learned that much can be accomplished if you drink enough coffee to kill a lab rat and consume multiple Krispy Kreme donuts. The sugar and caffeine alone were enough to let my mind race for approximately 85% of my test this morning. I was able to pull 11 ¼ pages (double-spaced) of theological “knowledge” out of my ass, which, I must admit, is a new Meredith record.
My exam was coherent and, at times, slightly humorous. I attempted to weave together sound theological thought with levity, although there was probably more levity than brevity, if you understand my meaning. If Cindy Rigby is going to have to grade a million Systematic Theology I exams, then the least I can do is make sure my test is enjoyable for her to read. Various examples I used to illustrate complex theological concepts include, but are not limited to: references to Zeppo of the Marx brothers, Spiderman, the theology of Meredith as a 5 year-old, a quote from my mother, and several vague references to the book of Ecclesiastes.
If there is one thing I enjoy doing, it is pontificating. If there is anything else I could possibly enjoy more than pontificating, then it is using eclectic examples to illustrate a point.
One more hurdle awaits: the dreaded history final. Kyrie Eleison!
Friday, December 09, 2005
Sheer Randomness
No classes this week: the school calls it “Reading Week,” which, in theory, is the week dedicated to reading and writing papers before finals begin next week. I wish that I could admit proudly that the week was spent in disciplined, dedicated, and diligent study, but, as result of this lack of structure, I managed to piss all of my time away. Oh sure, I did do some work on my damn worship paper, as well as some minimal studying for various and sundry classes, but it is now early Saturday morning and I have very little to show for my week of theoretical “work.”
However, also in true Meredith fashion, this week was very much an exercise in what I would call “surreality.” Some of the randomness that occurred:
* It was, as my mother put it, “Colder than a well-digger’s ass” here in Austin this week. Cold! In Austin! I moved away from the Panhandle to escape bullshit cold weather, not be enveloped in it! And, to add further insult to injury, I left most of my sweaters and what-not at home. [Note: why is that well-diggers have cold asses? Do they not wear long-underwear or other protection that would act as a barrier against the elements? Poor diggers of wells!]
* I got to hold a baby the other day. Happiness is holding a tiny-squirmy infant, if you ignore that funky baby smell.
* I learned how to knit! I can finally cross it off the list of “Stuff I want to learn before I die.” Knitting is hard, harder than crochet, in my opinion, but I find it appeals to my anal-retentative side (the one that earlier this week, alphabetized my CD’s). I am attempting to make a scarf…mostly, my “scarf” looks like severely mutated rectangle, but I am slowly learning the subtle craft of knitting. Patience, patience!
* I made fudge. Although making fudge may not, at first glance, seem random, you must understand that I do not consider myself much of a cook. Oh, I have a basic understanding of the culinary arts, but I am more an “eater” than a “cooker.” The very fact that I am a certified fudge artisan is pretty random.
* Hung out with friends a lot more than usual. I learned much about my peers this week and I was reminded constantly of how blessed I am to be amongst such wonderful people here at school. Awww….group hug!
* The other morning, I was cold and made homemade cranberry sauce and ate all of it in one sitting. Cranberries kick ass! Plus, cooking the cranberries on the stove heated my kitchen and my window to the outside world was became fogged up with residual steam from the stove. Nothing is cozier than fogged-up windows…(heh- reminds me a little of making out in cars, which, I may add, I have not done in quite a long time)
* Last Saturday, our school played against the Episcopalians in an annual football game we call “The Polity Bowl.” The Presbyterians were victorious- hurrah! Afterwards, we celebrated with a barbeque at school. In an unprecedented turn of events, the school even purchased a keg of Shiner Bock! I have never in my life attended an event with a school-sanctioned keg. The greatest beer in the world, my friend, is the beer you do not have to pay for!
However, also in true Meredith fashion, this week was very much an exercise in what I would call “surreality.” Some of the randomness that occurred:
* It was, as my mother put it, “Colder than a well-digger’s ass” here in Austin this week. Cold! In Austin! I moved away from the Panhandle to escape bullshit cold weather, not be enveloped in it! And, to add further insult to injury, I left most of my sweaters and what-not at home. [Note: why is that well-diggers have cold asses? Do they not wear long-underwear or other protection that would act as a barrier against the elements? Poor diggers of wells!]
* I got to hold a baby the other day. Happiness is holding a tiny-squirmy infant, if you ignore that funky baby smell.
* I learned how to knit! I can finally cross it off the list of “Stuff I want to learn before I die.” Knitting is hard, harder than crochet, in my opinion, but I find it appeals to my anal-retentative side (the one that earlier this week, alphabetized my CD’s). I am attempting to make a scarf…mostly, my “scarf” looks like severely mutated rectangle, but I am slowly learning the subtle craft of knitting. Patience, patience!
* I made fudge. Although making fudge may not, at first glance, seem random, you must understand that I do not consider myself much of a cook. Oh, I have a basic understanding of the culinary arts, but I am more an “eater” than a “cooker.” The very fact that I am a certified fudge artisan is pretty random.
* Hung out with friends a lot more than usual. I learned much about my peers this week and I was reminded constantly of how blessed I am to be amongst such wonderful people here at school. Awww….group hug!
* The other morning, I was cold and made homemade cranberry sauce and ate all of it in one sitting. Cranberries kick ass! Plus, cooking the cranberries on the stove heated my kitchen and my window to the outside world was became fogged up with residual steam from the stove. Nothing is cozier than fogged-up windows…(heh- reminds me a little of making out in cars, which, I may add, I have not done in quite a long time)
* Last Saturday, our school played against the Episcopalians in an annual football game we call “The Polity Bowl.” The Presbyterians were victorious- hurrah! Afterwards, we celebrated with a barbeque at school. In an unprecedented turn of events, the school even purchased a keg of Shiner Bock! I have never in my life attended an event with a school-sanctioned keg. The greatest beer in the world, my friend, is the beer you do not have to pay for!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I am a Rock
Words from the immortal Paul Simon:
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need for friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well, I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I'd never loved, I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no-one and no-one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And the rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
Today is cold. It is December and deep and dark here in Austin. I am alone, struggling to write this damn worship paper! My heart is surrounded by walls; I am a mighty fortress! O, that someone would come and break down my walls of solitude!
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need for friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well, I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I'd never loved, I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no-one and no-one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And the rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
Today is cold. It is December and deep and dark here in Austin. I am alone, struggling to write this damn worship paper! My heart is surrounded by walls; I am a mighty fortress! O, that someone would come and break down my walls of solitude!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I Must Confess...
The Days of Finals are Nigh! And, true to procrastinating fashion, I am attempting to cram a whole semester's worth of work into one week. Curse my rock and roll lifestyle!
So tonight, in an effort to avoid studying yet still remain productive, I reorganized my CD's so that they are all organized by genre and alphabetized by Artist's last name. [Yes, I too, have the capacity for far-reaching anal retentativeness] As I was going through my CD's, I realized that I own several that would be classified as somewhat embarrassing. In case I get hit by a truck sometime in the near future, I have decided to personally disclose said embarrassing CD's, just so that you have an explanation, rather than believe I am either crazy or totally lacking in musical taste.
Meredith's List of Embarrassing CD's:
Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Zoot Suit Riot- Purchased during the swing music revival of the late 1990’s. A decent CD, despite the vulgar band name.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Album- This is the CD that is the soundtrack to the television show of which I was a loyal, diehard fan of. On the surface, it seems nerdy to own such a CD, but it has a nice collection of dark pop and Goth music.
Soundtrack, Fiddler on the Roof- It’s my favorite musical, so fuck off! “Sunrise, Sunset…”
Weird Al Yankovic Dare to be Stupid and Poodle Hat- Yes, I am girl who owns 2 Weird Al CD’s. I’ve even seen him in concert (and it was a freakin’ sweet show!) I am a nerd. I am the queen of nerds!
Kenny G At Last: the Duets Album- Ok, I used to work at a music store, and this one was a promo. I actually kind of like it…
Josh Groban- I have a confession: I, the quintessential music snob like Josh Groban. Nay, I LOVE Josh Groban! I own two of his CD’s and listening to him sing is the ultimate guilty pleasure.
And Last, but Not Least….
Backstreet Boys Millennium- I offer no explanation. But, to my defense, I bought it used, so the Backstreet Boys did not collect any royalties from me.
So there ya have it. Don’t judge me, because I know that you have Ace of Base The Sign hidden in the bottom of you sock drawer!
So tonight, in an effort to avoid studying yet still remain productive, I reorganized my CD's so that they are all organized by genre and alphabetized by Artist's last name. [Yes, I too, have the capacity for far-reaching anal retentativeness] As I was going through my CD's, I realized that I own several that would be classified as somewhat embarrassing. In case I get hit by a truck sometime in the near future, I have decided to personally disclose said embarrassing CD's, just so that you have an explanation, rather than believe I am either crazy or totally lacking in musical taste.
Meredith's List of Embarrassing CD's:
Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Zoot Suit Riot- Purchased during the swing music revival of the late 1990’s. A decent CD, despite the vulgar band name.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Album- This is the CD that is the soundtrack to the television show of which I was a loyal, diehard fan of. On the surface, it seems nerdy to own such a CD, but it has a nice collection of dark pop and Goth music.
Soundtrack, Fiddler on the Roof- It’s my favorite musical, so fuck off! “Sunrise, Sunset…”
Weird Al Yankovic Dare to be Stupid and Poodle Hat- Yes, I am girl who owns 2 Weird Al CD’s. I’ve even seen him in concert (and it was a freakin’ sweet show!) I am a nerd. I am the queen of nerds!
Kenny G At Last: the Duets Album- Ok, I used to work at a music store, and this one was a promo. I actually kind of like it…
Josh Groban- I have a confession: I, the quintessential music snob like Josh Groban. Nay, I LOVE Josh Groban! I own two of his CD’s and listening to him sing is the ultimate guilty pleasure.
And Last, but Not Least….
Backstreet Boys Millennium- I offer no explanation. But, to my defense, I bought it used, so the Backstreet Boys did not collect any royalties from me.
So there ya have it. Don’t judge me, because I know that you have Ace of Base The Sign hidden in the bottom of you sock drawer!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Pray to God, but Row to Shore
Holy shit- it’s December! Where in the name of all things good and holy did this semester go? I suppose time doth fly when you are having fun, but time also flies when life is shitty, crazy, joyful, melancholy…
We, like the flowers of the field, are temporal and transient. We grow and flourish and wither and perish according to the natural order of creation. However much we would like to “go out in a blaze of glory,” we die and the world remarkably continues to rotate on its axis. Like the wooden metronome on my great aunt’s piano, the life cycle continues its steady pulse. The pace may quicken or slacken, but the beats--the rhythm--of life are ever constant.
Though it is somewhat somber and is not often fodder for high-profit, charismatic Christian evangelists, the book of Ecclesiastes is my favorite book in the Bible. I find it profound and honest; Ecclesiastes is very much a “no bullshitting, check your ego at the door” portion of the Biblical witness. One of the more profound lines: “A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever” [Ecclesiastes 1:4]. Our deaths do not impede the eternal creation and re-creation of the world. “Yea, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death” [Psalm 23], we are also surrounded by new life being brought into the world daily.
The themes of Ecclesiastes resonate with the last line of T.S. Eliot’s poem, The Hollow Men: “This is the way the world ends- not with a bang, but with a whimper.” The writer of Ecclesiastes laments “Behold the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them!” [Ecc. 4:1] Both are contrary to the doctrine of Eschatology (end-times) where Jesus will come back and assauge our suffering, wiping tears from every eye. Is it practical to hope for the world ending with a “bang,” that is, the triumph of Jesus (Good) over evil (Pain and Suffering) when we live in a world of moaning, wailing, whimpering for justice and freedom from oppression?
Christian Hope looks into the face of the trials of this world and decides that “we shall overcome.” We can direct our eyes to heaven and have hope that during the Eschaton, Jesus will triumph and inaugurate a new world in which all of the Children of God coexist peacefully. But we cannot look the future and ignore the present! Placing our faith in Jesus who will redeem the world does not mean we should ignore the world as we know it! People are hungry NOW, dammit! People are being oppressed NOW. We can hope and pray our smug little Christian hearts out and self-righteously attend our comfortable churches, but we need to remember that we are also responsible for bringing the Kingdom of God at hand. We will not succeed entirely, but we can positively impact the present.
As my mother says, “You gotta pray to God, but row to shore.” Faith without action is impotent. Faith coupled with action, theory coupled with praxis, will ensure this world ends, not with a whimper, but with a bang.
We, like the flowers of the field, are temporal and transient. We grow and flourish and wither and perish according to the natural order of creation. However much we would like to “go out in a blaze of glory,” we die and the world remarkably continues to rotate on its axis. Like the wooden metronome on my great aunt’s piano, the life cycle continues its steady pulse. The pace may quicken or slacken, but the beats--the rhythm--of life are ever constant.
Though it is somewhat somber and is not often fodder for high-profit, charismatic Christian evangelists, the book of Ecclesiastes is my favorite book in the Bible. I find it profound and honest; Ecclesiastes is very much a “no bullshitting, check your ego at the door” portion of the Biblical witness. One of the more profound lines: “A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever” [Ecclesiastes 1:4]. Our deaths do not impede the eternal creation and re-creation of the world. “Yea, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death” [Psalm 23], we are also surrounded by new life being brought into the world daily.
The themes of Ecclesiastes resonate with the last line of T.S. Eliot’s poem, The Hollow Men: “This is the way the world ends- not with a bang, but with a whimper.” The writer of Ecclesiastes laments “Behold the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them!” [Ecc. 4:1] Both are contrary to the doctrine of Eschatology (end-times) where Jesus will come back and assauge our suffering, wiping tears from every eye. Is it practical to hope for the world ending with a “bang,” that is, the triumph of Jesus (Good) over evil (Pain and Suffering) when we live in a world of moaning, wailing, whimpering for justice and freedom from oppression?
Christian Hope looks into the face of the trials of this world and decides that “we shall overcome.” We can direct our eyes to heaven and have hope that during the Eschaton, Jesus will triumph and inaugurate a new world in which all of the Children of God coexist peacefully. But we cannot look the future and ignore the present! Placing our faith in Jesus who will redeem the world does not mean we should ignore the world as we know it! People are hungry NOW, dammit! People are being oppressed NOW. We can hope and pray our smug little Christian hearts out and self-righteously attend our comfortable churches, but we need to remember that we are also responsible for bringing the Kingdom of God at hand. We will not succeed entirely, but we can positively impact the present.
As my mother says, “You gotta pray to God, but row to shore.” Faith without action is impotent. Faith coupled with action, theory coupled with praxis, will ensure this world ends, not with a whimper, but with a bang.
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