For All the Saints

What Music I am listening to: The Best of Arlo Guthrie. Specifically, I am listening to his version of "City of New Orleans." What an amazing song! The words- so beautiful, the melody- so meloncholy.

Today's chapel service was one of the most profound religious experiences I have encountered in my entire life. For one reason, today is All-Saint's Day, which, in the Christian tradition, is the day to remember all the "saints" who have gone before us. I am always overcome with joy and grief when I remember my ancestors who are part of my religious heritage but who I will never meet until we are reunited in Heaven. We tend to think of Saints as religious titans- men and women of such faith in God that they withstood and ultimately triumphed over adversity. Even the martyrs went peacefully, even joyfully to their death. But the "Saints of God" were not just famous martyrs and champions of the faith. One of my favorite hymns sums it up perfectly:

"I sing a song of the saints of God, patient and brave and true,
Who toiled and fought and lived and died for the Lord they loved and knew.
And one was a doctor, and one was a queen, and one was a shepherdess on the green,
They were all of them saints of God, and I mean, God helping, to be one too."

The verses go on, and OK, the words are a little quirky. But the point of the song is that Saints of God are all around--these are the quiet, simple people who love their Lord and who love Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They lived their lives as a testimony to God's love.

I always think of my great-grandmother when I hear this song. I never knew her; she died before I was born. But my mother and grandmother have often told me how wonderful a lady my great-grandmother was, how she was a devout Presbyterian who devoted much of her life to the service of her church. And then (this part always makes me cry) my mother/grandmother tells me how Granny would be so proud of me. Proud of me! I always feel so humbled when I hear this. My granny, who walked closely with God, would have been proud of me. I am certainly not very proud of myself sometimes. Most of the time, I feel like a pretty lousy Christian. Although I am in seminary, I often do not feel that I am worthy of studying theology and the Word of God. And what right do I have to tell people about how God loves them when I have spiritual and emotional baggage? I don't have my own shit together; how can I possibly help others with their own shit? I want desperately to be a Saint of God, but I feel I am too depraved, to unworthy to receive God's mercy.