Little Miss Perfect

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people…I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The true is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.”
-- Anne Lamott

Lately, I have wrestled with perfectionism, although my neurotic obsession with attaining perfection has not been isolated solely to this week, but rather is a behavioral pattern throughout my entire life. Today, however, I finally realized how crippling perfectionism is to my overall level of happiness. During our Hebrew study group, our TA called on me to say the opening prayer for our class. Immediately, my heart began to palpitate wildly and my mind began to race and I began to panic about what “right” words I should say. I desperately wanted to spout out a prayer that would put St. Francis of Assisi to shame, but instead, I mumbled and fumbled a few trite sentences.

I wanted my prayer, my words to be perfect. But this desire to deliver a perfect offering to God is not the only area of my life where perfectionism rears its ugly head. I also strive to be a perfect student, a perfect friend, a perfect daughter, granddaugher, sister. I desire physical as well as emotional perfection and I spend a lot of excess time and energy working, albeit futilely, towards this unattainable goal.

The truth is, of course, that none of us are perfect and we all die anyway so why bother trying to be something we’re not? I heard a wonderful sermon the other day that discussed how all of creation praises God. Trees, animals, the wind, the ocean, etc.—all praise God, simply by being trees, animals, the wind the ocean…. My friend, the great and profound Ryan P. (had to give him a citation for this idea!) said that we, as human beings, praise God simply by being our true selves. Therefore, the way I glorify and praise God is not by being perfect or praying perfect prayers but rather by being Meredith. God does not expect us to be perfect; such is the depraved state of fallen humanity. But God does expect us to be true to ourselves. The great mystery of God’s everlasting mercy is that if/when God decides to look to perfection, God looks at the perfection of humanity that was manifested in Jesus Christ. With Jesus Christ as the model for the true, perfect humanity, there is truly hope for us all- even silly, neurotic, semi-vapid cat owners such as myself.

The main problem with perfectionism is that, when we focus too much on keeping our heads down in order to avoid stepping on cracks, we miss the world surrounding us. And if everyone dies in the end, perfect of not, it seems ridiculous to obsess over unachievable goals. So my goal for this year of our Lord 2006 is to learn to simply be the best Meredith I can be. I am what I am ; we are what we are. For God, that is good enough.